Vague Greek Mythology
LEDA AND ZEUS: A TALE OF BEASTIALITY

So Zeus was horny.  Big surprise.

But of course Hera was like IF YOU FUCK ONE MORE CHICK I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE.

And Zeus was like CALM YO TITS WOMAN I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU BABY I LOVE YOU OOOOOOOH CHECK OUT DAT ASS.

And Hera was like WHAT ASS.

And Zeus was like OH NOTHING UH I’M GOING TO GO FOR A WALK.

And Hera gave him the cut-eye but didn’t say anything.  So Zeus walked away, whistling and looking innocent, occasionally calling shit out like OOOH A CUMULONIMBUS CLOUD HOW WONDERFUL and OH MY LOOK AT THOSE SILLY MORTALS MAYBE I’LL SMITE SOME FOR FUN and LOLOLOL HADES YOU DORK.

Meanwhile he’s thinking, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE I NEED SOME POON.  He pondered and figured that he’d change into a sexy animal and seduce some random chick.

So when Hera wasn’t looking Zeus was like JOKES and turned into a swan, because that is clearly the sexiest animal for the head god to turn into.

ANYWAY Zeus was like OH HO LEDA LOOKIN FIIIIINE and he swooped down, after being “chased” by an “eagle” and Leda was like OH SHIT SON THAT SWAN IS GETTING ME HAWT

And then, later that night, Leda humped her husband and when he left she’s like YO SWAN COME ON IN HERE UNF UNF

And Leda and Swan!Zeus had crazy sexytiems all over the place and Tyndareus (her husband) would occasionally shout LEDA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WEIRD HONKING NOISE and Leda would shout back NOTHING FOR FUCKSAKE JUST GO TO SLEEP YOU HAVE A LOT OF KING-STUFF TO DO TOMORROW

Something along the lines of 9 months later, Leda was like OH SHIT HERE SOME TEH BBS and she gave birth to some beautiful eggs.

Presumably she was a little confused, and probably Tyndareus was like BITCH WHAT THE FUCK but anyway.

Out of these eggs hatched Helen of Troy, Castor and his twin whose name I forget (but it looks like chlamydia), and also Polydeuces which I might have spelled wrong but whatever.

So the moral is: If a swan falls out of the sky, you should have sex with it because your kids will be awesome.